I had such high hopes for Red Planet when I saw the trailers. Val Kilmer was always one of my favorite actors, I loved Carrie-Anne Moss in The Matrix, and I am always a sucker for a good sci-fi movie. Unfortunately, Red Planet was a colossal waste of my time and money.
My date and I were trying to decide on a movie last night. I wanted to see Meet the Parents, he suggested Red Planet; since he was paying, I capitulated. However, because I am a big fan of “space odyssey”-type movies, I figured that I would probably enjoy myself.
I was wrong.
I am not one who usually writes movie reviews. I usually see a movie, and then promptly forget about it later that night. I tend not to notice details, and unless a movie is particularly spectacular, I never remember what I have seen. Unfortunately, this movie was so spectacularly bad, my first thought was to write an Epinion about it and try to dissuade as many people as I could from seeing it.
The Plot
The movie takes place in the year 2057. We are told in the opening scene via voice-over that although the human race had begun to notice severe signs of damage to Planet Earth in the year 2000, we did little to stop it. By 2025, our planet was so overpopulated and polluted that we started to look for a new home – Mars. The scientists decided that the best way to make Mars habitable for humans would be to terra-farm the planet by sending algae to the surface of Mars, which would create oxygen through photosynthesis. In addition, many probes were sent to the Red Planet to start setting up a space station for future habitants.
Although the terra-farming began in 2050, and had successfully begun to produce sufficient levels of oxygen on Mars to support human life, the oxygen levels had begun to dramatically fall in recent months. Enter our cast. Their mission is to go on the first manned space flight to Mars to determine why the oxygen levels had been falling and what was wrong with the scientists’ hypothesis. After a six-month flight to Mars, they would spend the next 26 months on the surface of Mars in the space station collecting data.
The movie picks up just as our heroes are leaving for their mission. We watch the five crew members as they learn to live with one another on the shuttle (which is certainly the most spacious shuttle I have ever seen!), sloooowly learning the little quirks of each of their personalities.
The Cast
Carrie-Anne Moss (The Matrix, Chocolat) is Kate Bowman, a veteran Navy Commander. Her character is supposed to be tough-as-nails, but with a heart of gold; very reminiscent of her character in The Matrix;
Val Kilmer (The Saint, Batman Forever) is Robby Gallagher, an electronics expert who is brought along for his expertise of machinery. For some reason, the other crewmembers refer to him as the “Space Janitor”, which was a joke I never understood;
Tom Sizemore (Saving Private Ryan, Bringing Out the Dead) is Lieutenant Quinn Burchenal, a whiny, indecisive mushy character that was never fully developed;
Benjamin Bratt (The Next Best Thing, Law & Order) plays Ted Santein, a character completely indistinguishable from
Simon Baker’s (L.A. Confidential, Sunset Strip) Chip Pettengill. Both characters were such cardboard cutouts of macho astronauts, that I couldn’t in all honesty tell you which one was which.
Why I Thought This Movie Was Painful
1) Total lack of character development.
Only three characters out of six were ever fully fleshed out throughout the course of the movie. Kate Bowman’s character takes center stage for most of the movie, and they do a pretty good job of explaining her motivations on a moment-to-moment basis. However, with none of the characters do we ever get a sense of why they act the way they do. We are never given any background on any of them: are they single? Married? Why, specifically, were they chosen for this particular mission? What did they have to go through to train for this? Why is Kate so cold and distant to everything, including her own feelings for Gallagher? Why was one of their crewmates hostile and defensive and obnoxious to everyone he worked with? Too many unanswered questions for my taste…
In addition, characters were killed off before I had a chance to give a damn about them. I would spoil whatever semblance of plot there is in this movie if I were to elaborate, however, suffice it to say, people start dropping like flies pretty early on in the film. Because their characters were neither fully enough developed nor particularly likable in the first place, I didn’t particularly care if they died. I didn’t particularly care if they all died. It would have ended the movie sooner.
2) An awful script
I wish that I had a good enough memory so that I could replicate some of the terrible lines here. I don’t, but please trust me on the fact that it was a painful, painful experience sitting through this movie. You know that it is a very bad sign when you are sitting in the theater laughing inappropriately at “serious” moments in the film because they are so badly written. You could hear guffawing across the theater in response to moments that were supposed to be moving and tear-jerking. In fact, I had an allergy attack close to the end of the film, and I was mortified that anyone would think that my sniffling was as a result of movie-induced tears. It was just my date’s cologne, I swear!!!!
You know that you have seen a bad movie when you spend the entire drive home pondering the laughably poor writing and the improbable plot. Our conversation carried over into today, the movie was that bad.
3) Scientific Inaccuracies
The last science class I took was eight years ago in high school. I am an investment banker. I know very little about science, least of all biology. However, even my financially oriented brain could pick up the scientific inaccuracies in this movie:
Putting aside the fact that algae would most likely not survive in the Martian environment (too hot, violent storms, wrong atmosphere), it would take hundreds of years for algae to build up enough oxygen to create a breathable atmosphere;
Mars does not have enough gravity to sustain an atmosphere like that of the Earth’s. Even assuming the algae produced enough oxygen, it would likely dissipate into outer space since the lack of gravity couldn’t keep it close enough to the planet;
Even assuming the algae idea worked, pure oxygen can be toxic to us! Our atmosphere contains a mixture of nitrogen, carbon dioxide (if I remember correctly), and only a small percentage of oxygen. If we created an atmosphere of pure oxygen, we would likely die;
PLOT SPOILER!! There are small beetle-like creatures that are responsible for eating the algae, and thus depleting the oxygen levels. Where did these very advanced creatures come from? What did they eat before we started to ship algae to Mars only seven years ago? What the hell are they going to do when they eat all of the algae? Darwin must be rolling in his grave…
MAJOR PLOT SPOILER!!!! When the crew arrives on Mars, those who survive are quickly running out of air. After finding their man-made space station destroyed by the above-mentioned creatures (apparently they eat metal and PCV piping as well!!), the crew resigns themselves to dying from lack of oxygen. As they are gasping for air, they pull off their helmets to die (ignoring the pressure-differentiation that would have killed them), and WOW! They can breathe! It turns out that when the creatures eat the algae, they produce oxygen; enough for the crew to breathe comfortably. If this is the case, then why did our sensors detect that the oxygen level was falling? Why were they sent at all? If there was enough oxygen to breathe, then there never would have been a mission in the first place. Very puzzling….
The crew brings a robotic navigator that responds to voice commands and looks like a mechanized dog. Unfortunately, the thing goes haywire and puts our crew in peril. Why do you know this early on? Because when they are testing her, Val Kilmer demonstrates to his crewmates her “military mode”, which is deadly. Why would the crew need something with a military mode if they were going to an uninhabited planet?
Were there any redeeming qualities?
Believe it or not, yes. The visual effects were truly stunning. Although I was very sorry that I actually sat through this movie, I was glad that I at least got to see it on the big screen. This movie’s only highlight was its special effects (as is so often the case anymore). The computerization of the navigator, the views of space and of Mars itself were amazing. Also, the sound guys should win an award for their effective use of surround-sound Dolby®. When glass shatters, you can hear it shattering past you to the back of the theater. Also, the music was non-intrusive and contained a number of futuristic techno-ish songs that I might actually want to download from Napster.
Would I recommend this movie?
Would you recommend a movie that had a weak plot, a horrible script and an even worse implausibility factor? Of course not. And neither will I.
I apologize in retrospect for having given away certain key plot-lines, however, if you take my advice and avoid this movie, I was hoping it wouldn’t matter.
In the near future, Earth is dying. A new colony on Mars could be humanity's only hope. A team of American astronauts, each a specialist in a differen...More at HotMovieSale.com
Product DetailsOriginal Title:Red PlanetActors: Benjamin Bratt - Terence Stamp - Tom Sizemore - Val KilmerCondition: NEWFormat: DVDDirector: Anthony ...More at iNetVideo.com
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