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Re: Re: Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
Fred Dist (I'm sorry, but that one was just too good not to steal)-
what's the scoop on your Bennifer wedding scandal?
(From my official press release):
"Jennifer Lopez is an amazing woman. She is just as famous as I am, and renowned as a world class singer, dancer, actor, perfume salesperson, clothing designer, serial divorcee, and living embodiment of Sir Mix-A-Lot's 'Baby Got Back' video. She is a Real person, who I respect and appreciate every day. Even though I'm a Southie, and she's From the Block, I still think we can make it work. Jennifer and I have decided to take some time apart, to contemplate our relationship and promote our recent movie overseas. When a decision is made about our postponed nuptials, the press will be the first to know. Thank you. There shall be no time for questions."
She's verging perilously close to showing ample nip, too. Ick. It's not even good cleavage.
Maybe these are more your taste:
http://members.aol.com/unceman/page1/wrestle.jpg
http://www.prisma-online.de/image/7a/mmnet_5931e4c3957a.jpeg
http://www.celebpecs.com/images/Ed_Norton/enorton005.jpg
Looking up celebrity cleavage-pics is fun!
Why must you turn this comment section into a web of lies?!?
Because I am Ben Affleck, Master of the Universe.
Did you notice me batting my eyelashes and displaying Shue-rific cleavage while I claimed to like Squeeze?
No. But I did notice you pulling mussels from the shell (which, though quite absurd, does the job euphemistically).
Huh. The nookie. Huh. So you can take that cookie, and stick it up your yeah.
You're going to have to stop doing that. I make the rules around here, you know? It's my way or the highway.
-i did it all for the mikey
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Sep 21 '03
11:12 am PDT
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Re: Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by disinclined
Mikelback,
sometimes I refer to myself, Ben Affleck, and sometimes I talk about Ben Affleck, blockbuster movie star and all-around sexy guy.
So, Mr. Affleck, what's the scoop on your Bennifer wedding scandal? I figure I might as well get it straight from the horse's mouth. Does this mean you're on the market again? If so, should I get my backless top out of storage?
Here's a pic of her showing ample cleavage:
Cleavage, heck! She's verging perilously close to showing ample nip, too. Ick. It's not even good cleavage.
First, Cage found out that Rosebud was the sled all along. Then, Shue discovered that Bruce Willis was actually dead! And finally, Thelma and Louise drove off the cliff, hand-in-hand, triumphant and free.
Why must you turn this comment section into a web of lies?!?
Which, if I remember correctly, you did too.
Maybe I was just lying, to suck up to you. Did you notice me batting my eyelashes and displaying Shue-rific cleavage while I claimed to like Squeeze? If so, it might have been nothing more than my feminine wiles.
Did I catch you doing it all for the nookie?
Huh. The nookie. Huh. So you can take that cookie, and stick it up your yeah.
fred dist
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Sep 20 '03
5:33 pm PDT
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
My Hott American Girlfriend-
seeing as you're Ben Affleck and all, how come you sometimes refer to yourself in first-person and sometimes in third-person?
We decide long ago that since we, Ben Affleck, are a Universal, we should use as many narrative voices as possible. So sometimes I refer to myself, Ben Affleck, and sometimes I talk about Ben Affleck, blockbuster movie star and all-around sexy guy. It's a technique we're still trying to iron the wrinkles out of, but we think it's been quite effective so far. You know you want us.
I'll be, uh, whoever the chick was.
Elisabeth Shue. Here's a pic of her showing ample cleavage:
http://www.celebritytrendz.com/images/celebrities/elizabethshue2.jpg
I watched that whole movie except for the last 5-10 minutes. So I never found out what happened. I assume it was a Hollywood-style happy ending, though.
It was a grand spectacle of an ending. First, Cage found out that Rosebud was the sled all along. Then, Shue discovered that Bruce Willis was actually dead! And finally, Thelma and Louise drove off the cliff, hand-in-hand, triumphant and free. Although we don't see their car crash on the rock below, because that might tarnish the visceral feminist imagery.
There's just so much wrong with this statement, coming from someone who admits to liking Squeeze.
I don't think I've done any more than admit I like at least one Squeeze song. Which, if I remember correctly, you did too. So don't go throwing stones at Mike Stone's glass house, pretty please.
*guiltily removes headphones and stashes them under desk*
Did I catch you doing it all for the nookie?
-Foxy Canuck Boyfriend
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Sep 20 '03
7:54 am PDT
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by disinclined
Mike,
Affleck uses his fame-based tractor beam to bring the fly honeys to him.
I meant to ask you: seeing as you're Ben Affleck and all, how come you sometimes refer to yourself in first-person and sometimes in third-person? Do you suffer from BPD (Bennifer Personality Disorder)? Please - get help. Now.
By the time the end credits roll on their debut feature, it's too late to realize the inherent absurdity.
Yeah, that happens to me all the time. Well. Not that, obviously, since I'm still here. Hey, why don't I just quit before I dig myself in deeper?
you've got me trying to find puns for 'Leaving Las Vegas', thinking about the time I left Las Vegas, and getting real sad.
Okay... you can be a brooding, suicidal Nicolas Cage, and I'll be, uh, whoever the chick was. You know what sucks? I watched that whole movie except for the last 5-10 minutes. So I never found out what happened. I assume it was a Hollywood-style happy ending, though.
Since I've continued liking you even through all that blasted Radiohead, I'd have to say "no".
Arrrgghhh. There's just so much wrong with this statement, coming from someone who admits to liking Squeeze. Pot, meet Kettle.
But if I ever caught you bopping and jiving to Limp Bizkit, I'd have to seriously consider finding myself another girlfriend.
*guiltily removes headphones and stashes them under desk*
puddle o' diss
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Sep 18 '03
4:09 pm PDT
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
Dis-
Then how does Ben Affleck attract, I wonder? Jennolutely?
Affleck uses his fame-based tractor beam to bring the fly honeys to him. They are powerless against its mad power.
I just don't know how you can know if you're really into snuff. Seems like, either way, it's too late once you find out.
Maybe they watch a lot of snuff, and then wonder if it'd be a fun activity to partake in. By the time the end credits roll on their debut feature, it's too late to realize the inherent absurdity.
Maybe we can get out a Ouija board and ask Sheryl Crow. All I wanna do is act in snuff...
Now you've got me trying to find puns for 'Leaving Las Vegas', thinking about the time I left Las Vegas, and getting real sad.
it'd take more than one song by Sir Paul to snuff out the cumulative coolness of my CD collection
Since you haven't heard that song, I'll let this obvious untruth slide. For now.
is there a band so awful that you'd dump me for liking them?
Since I've continued liking you even through all that blasted Radiohead, I'd have to say "no". But if I ever caught you bopping and jiving to Limp Bizkit, I'd have to seriously consider finding myself another girlfriend.
-mike
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Sep 17 '03
8:44 am PDT
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by disinclined
Mike,
opposites attract (and Owen opposites attract Owenlutely).
Then how does Ben Affleck attract, I wonder? Jennolutely?
Snuff-film fetishists, mostly. And people who really have faith in reincarnation.
I just don't know how you can know if you're really into snuff. Seems like, either way, it's too late once you find out. Maybe we can get out a Ouija board and ask Sheryl Crow. All I wanna do is act in snuff...
Have you actually heard that Paul McCartney song on there?
Sure haven't. Thus, my musical tastes are still beyond mockery. Still, I think it'd take more than one song by Sir Paul to snuff out the cumulative coolness of my CD collection. Which begs the question: is there a band so awful that you'd dump me for liking them? Would you still like me if I rocked out to Nickelback? Stain'd? Puddle o' Mudd?
dis
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Sep 16 '03
4:05 pm PDT
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Re: Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
Beckenbaum-
I don't know why, but that whole concept makes me gleeful
Seeing as we (sorta) cribbed the idea from you, it probably should:
http://www3.sympatico.ca/michaelstone/images/BeckyTenenbaum.jpg
-mike fischer
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Sep 16 '03
1:41 pm PDT
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Re: Re: Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
Discher the Fischer-
Maybe it's the broke-ass nose, maybe it's his habitual inane smile and nasal-surfer intonation
See, and those are the reasons why I like him. Which further proves the old axiom that opposites attract (and Owen opposites attract Owenlutely).
As for the kill-and-bang thing, I guess some chicks are into that.
Snuff-film fetishists, mostly. And people who really have faith in reincarnation.
I was dithering over getting the "Vanilla Sky" soundtrack, but never quite convinced myself that it was essential.
Have you actually heard that Paul McCartney song on there? If so, are you still considering buying the CD? Cause you can make fun of my horrible music tastes all you want, but if you own Macca warbling "under the Vanilla Sky" anywhere in your collection, a mocking I will go.
And a darn fine one you will make, too.
With you on my arm, we can be Yang and Foolish.
-mike (aka "Foolish")
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Sep 16 '03
1:40 pm PDT
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Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by beckytcy
I'll still dress up as Margaret Yang for Halloween, though.
I don't know why, but that whole concept makes me gleeful, which takes a lot these days. Wheee!!
Becky
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Sep 16 '03
9:24 am PDT
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Re: Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by disinclined
Mike,
Not an Owen fan, are we? I am. I could watch that guy recite the phone book
Oh, he bugs the crap out of me. Maybe it's the broke-ass nose, maybe it's his habitual inane smile and nasal-surfer intonation...I don't know. But he's no friend of mine, that Owen.
Did you know he actually dated Sheryl Crow for a while after that movie? Kill a babe on screen, then bang her off screen. It's a foolproof plan.
One funky-looking, annoying celebrity deserves another. As for the kill-and-bang thing, I guess some chicks are into that. Who knew Sheryl was such a deviant?
I own a copy of the soundtrack (actually, I own two; but that's a long story you'll hear later). The Mark Mothersbaugh interludes, when played back-to-back, are wonderful relaxation music. And some of the British Invasion stuff even works on its own.
Usually I'm not a fan of soundtracks. I think I might own 3 total. I was dithering over getting the "Vanilla Sky" soundtrack, but never quite convinced myself that it was essential.
And I'll gladly be your little Maxy.
And a darn fine one you will make, too.
dis
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Sep 14 '03
11:31 am PDT
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Re: Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
Margardis Yang-
Thank God Owen and his broke-ass nose stayed on the right side of the camera this time.
Not an Owen fan, are we? I am. I could watch that guy recite the phone book (although, that being said, I refuse to watch him act opposite Jackie Chan and Eddie Murphy, and have only a slight distaste for his work with Ben Stiller; coming soon: Starsky & Hutch!).
(and yes, I saw "Minus Man," and yes, I thought it sucked).
Did you know he actually dated Sheryl Crow for a while after that movie? Kill a babe on screen, then bang her off screen. It's a foolproof plan.
I didn't remember the soundtrack standing out that much the first time I saw it, but I was quite impressed by the always-pitch-perfect songs. Makes me wonder if the soundtrack would be any good.
I own a copy of the soundtrack (actually, I own two; but that's a long story you'll hear later). The Mark Mothersbaugh interludes, when played back-to-back, are wonderful relaxation music. And some of the British Invasion stuff even works on its own. My favourite song, when I remember its place in the movie, is Lennon's 'Oh Yoko' (played during the Max and Blume training montage). Which is odd because I usually despise Lennon's "I loves me some Yoko, and you should too" songs.
I'll still dress up as Margaret Yang for Halloween, though.
And I'll gladly be your little Maxy.
-mike fischer
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Sep 13 '03
7:23 am PDT
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Dirk - take dictation: (Reply to this comment)
by disinclined
Mike Fischer,
I was most surprised to see that Owen Wilson shares writing credits with Wes Anderson on "Rushmore". Thank God Owen and his broke-ass nose stayed on the right side of the camera this time. Oh, how I loathe him (and yes, I saw "Minus Man," and yes, I thought it sucked).
You're right about the music, too. I didn't remember the soundtrack standing out that much the first time I saw it, but I was quite impressed by the always-pitch-perfect songs. Makes me wonder if the soundtrack would be any good.
In conclusion, I don't think I love "Rushmore," but I certainly do like it very much. I'll still dress up as Margaret Yang for Halloween, though.
dis (President: Book Reviewers' Club)
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Sep 11 '03
9:55 am PDT
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Re: Re: Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
Nate-
Though I haven't seen The Minus Man - I hear he's very good in that.
He is. It's not your typical Owen performance, i.e. he's not a loopy stoned surfer dude type. He plays a serial killer, and you almost emphasize with him, so convincing is he in bringing out the character's pain and confusion, and the logic he uses to rationalize the killings.
The movie, overall, is a bit drawn-out, and too low-key for my tastes at times. But it does feature some nice turns by Brian Cox, as a grieving father, and Janeane Garofalo, as (get this) a needy girlfriend. I'd recommend it to any Owen fan, just so they will see the other side of the man.
-mike
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May 20 '03
6:31 am PDT
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Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
I'm happy to see that Rushmore is high on your list of unbelievably awesome movies.
But Nate, you knew this already:
http://www.epinions.com/content_3078004868
It is awesome, isn't it?
And I'm totally with you in the film being, in a way, undefinable in its greatness - it's the same reason so many people don't seem to get it. I guess they just don't find it funny, or they can't identify with the themes. Too bad for them.
I pity those who can't find Wes' wavelength. I really do. I watch Rushmore at least once a month, and every time I find something new, something profound, something hilarious, and something tearworthy.
I really want to, but I find it hard to justify the purchase of a DVD that, essentially, I already have.
There were rumours that Bottle Rocket was getting the Criterion treatment. Even though I already own the bare-bones version of that one, I'd be the first in line to pick up the Special Edition. Bet on it.
Have you heard anything about Wes' next flick? Apparently Owen Wilson will star, but not help with the screenplay (that honour goes to Noah Baumbach). Bill Murray is said to be on board too. According to the IMDb, it'll be called The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.
I am giddy with excitement.
-mike
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May 19 '03
12:17 pm PDT
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Re: Et tu, Miké, eh? (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
Becky, didn't my naming of Rushmore as the SUPREME MOVIE OF ALL-TIME give you the urge to see it? You had to go back to my original, stunning review? Ah, I guess some people need more convincing than others.
As you can probably tell by my attempts at Latin here, I didn't take Latin in school either. "It's a dead language," I'd always say.
-mike (always a good day when you get to quote Max Fischer)
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Mar 06 '03
7:00 am PST
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Et tu, Miké, eh? (Reply to this comment)
by beckytcy
Damn you! Now I really want to watch this again (I haven't seen it since it was in cinemas), but I have to write an essay on Buddhist monks and nuns.
I also regret never having taken Latin in school.
Giving attention to old comment sections,
Becky
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Mar 04 '03
8:16 pm PST
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Re: Wow, this rocked my world! (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
Wayne,
I just replied to your last e-mail (hope you received okay), and just found this old comment that you left. I'll say it again: Yr Welcome. Long live Wes, Owen, Max, Mr. Blume, Ms. Cross, Mr. Littlejeans, and Edward Appleby (uh, scratch that last one).
-mike
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Feb 07 '03
5:11 pm PST
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Wow, this rocked my world! (Reply to this comment)
by waynio
Hey Mike,
This proves Epinions do count! Thanks to your glowing recommendation, I just watched "Rushmore" on DVD! What a revelation!! This little film has so much of The Right Stuff oozing from every pore, I can hardly believe it! Hooray for Wes Anderson! And thank you Mike!
Cheers,
Wayne
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Jan 30 '03
9:52 pm PST
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Re: wes anderson forever (Reply to this comment)
by mfunk75
"Bottle Rocket", "Rushmore", and "The Royal Tenenbaums" are as perfect a right-out-of-the-gate troika as I can remember any one director having.
I already own the "Bottle Rocket" bare-bones DVD, but if Criterion again blesses Wes' oeuvre, I'll buy that one too. Maybe get two copies, just to be safe.
"Why are you wearing that tape on your nose?"
"Exactly!"
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Aug 21 '02
5:28 am PDT
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wes anderson forever (Reply to this comment)
by lemon_lime
mike,
right on the money yet again, my friend. rushmore is a fantastic movie on all levels...and i've encountered people that just 'don't get it' and feel sorry for them as well. this is comedic genius and a damn fine drama to boot.
i checked the criterion website recently, 'bottle rocket' is still on its possible 'to do' list...keep your fingers crossed.
ca-CAW ca-CAW
chad
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Aug 20 '02
7:25 am PDT
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