Unusual Therapies, Part I: Kids, Music, and Self-Esteem
Aug 25 '00 (Updated Sep 10 '00)
I think that a great way to promote children's self-esteem is to expose them to music, encourage them to sing and dance, and to do musical things WITH them. I have worked at a drug rehabilitation facility for mothers and children for four years now, and have used music in my curriculum with great success. In this editorial, I would like to share some of the things I've done to promote self-esteem, expression of emotion, acceptance of cultural diversity, and good old learning.
They say music is a universal language, and I tend to agree. I’ve read some really interesting research showing that even INFANTS can tell the difference between “musically relevant” intervals (e.g., the fifth or the octave) and musically irrelevant intervals (e.g., the augmented fourth, or “Devil’s Interval”).
Music from different cultures does sound different, but the notes used are pretty much the same across cultures. Much Asian music tends to use a pentatonic scale (the black notes), and some Middle Eastern music employs quarter tones (yielding a 24-tone chromatic scale, rather than the 12-tone chromatic scale common to Western music), but the 24-tone scale also contains the 12-tones we’re familiar with here in the West.
The “nyaa nyaa nyaaa nanni-goat” taunt chant is even universal: children use that chant, with the same musical intervals, throughout the world. Some even say that playing Mozart for your kids makes them smarter, but the research in support of this is sketchy.
Well, to heck with all the intellectual stuff! Play some music for kids, let them sing, let them make up some verses, and let them MOVE to the music, and you’re going to have some happy kids. Plus, you’ll be doing therapy at the same time.
Here are some of the ways I use music with “my” kids. Readers familiar with my epinions know that “my” kids are the young sons and daughters of drug addicts at a mother and childrens’ rehab program in Oakland CA. Some of the ways I use music are intuitively obvious; others, less so. The kids I work with are mostly aged 3 through 10, and they come from culturally diverse backgrounds, though most of the kids would be described as "at risk" by those who use such labels.
Singing Songs
OK, this one is obvious. But what is less obvious is how positive this can be for kids, and especially kids who have been largely ignored by their parents. One of the most wonderful things a person can experience is the be HEARD. Unfortunately, many children whose parents are addicts (and many whose parents are NOT addicts) have NOT been heard. They are told to “hush up,” and they are sometimes punished for merely wanting to express themselves.
Singing songs together provides an opportunity to express one self, and to be a part of a larger group producing something beautiful as a team (teaching cooperation). It also teaches rules (one has to learn the words and the music). And it positively affects self-esteem. One doesn’t need to be told (“Oh you sing so nicely!”) that they’ve done a good job. Singing together IS its own reward. It doesn’t matter whether the song is “The Barney Song,” “The ABC Song,” “Old MacDonald,” or Tom Paxton’s “Zoo Song”: children love to sing. And just knowing the words and music to a song gives them power.
Dance Stop
A game my kids regularly ask for is called “Dance Stop.” My kids and I are convinced we invented it, but I’d bet there are teachers and counselors using it everywhere.
How does it work? Simple: I play a song on my guitar, and the kids dance. They can dance whatever kind of dance they want, with only two constraints: banging into others and wrestling are not allowed. But when I stop playing, they have to FREEZE. Of course, the kids try to freeze in the most bizarre positions they can possibly think of, and a good teacher or counselor will acknowledge each position ("Nice up-side down freeze, Antonio"; "Nice silly- face freeze, Rickshunda", etc.).
The kids find the game fun, but they don’t realize that it teaches boundaries, and how to follow rules. It also allows for a great deal of self-expression: children can often act out emotions in the physical realm better than they can express them in words. Part of my job is to teach the kids labels for their emotions (so they can express them in words, rather than “acting out,”), and I will sometimes say, "OK, I’ll play a sad melody—give me your best sad looking dance" (I get big pouts, sad eyes, and slow, lilting movement), or "give me your best happy looking dance" (I get a bunch of kids jumping in the air and vocalizing) but for the most part I just play, vary the affect expressed by the music itself, and let them dance.
If you don’t play an instrument, you can still do Dance Stop: Just use a boom box or sing a familiar song!
Da Blues!
This is one of my kids’ favorites, and I’ve found it to be an AMAZING therapeutic tool. I claim to have invented it, but I’d guess others out there are doing it too. I begin by playing a blues riff, one with which the children have become familiar (I think it comes from an old Muddy Waters song). I sing: “When my children don’t listen to me (blues riff)...I get _____” The kids all know what the blank means, and they sing “The Blues!!!” I continue for awhile: “When I want a hamburger and they give me lima beans (blues riff)...I get _____.” Then I ask the kids, “Who has a blues for us today?” All hands shoot up, and suddenly I have a window to what’s on the kids’ minds.
I then sing each kid’s blues, to which all the other children respond with “The Blues!” These are some of the “blues” I’ve heard: “When I saw my mom crying;” “When I knocked over the glass, and I didn’t mean to, and I got a whuppin’;” “When I have a bad dream at night, and there’s scary monsters;” and this one from a 5-year-old: “When the police came to my mom’s house, and there was a bong on the table, and they took her to jail…”
Try to ask a kid (remember, these children are mostly 3 through 10 years of age) what’s bothering them, and you’ll usually get “nuthin’” or “I don’t know.” Let them sing the blues, and you find that they can’t wait for an opportunity to express what they’re thinking or feeling. Equally important is the VALIDATION they get from me and from their peers. This is some serious fun.
Cultural Diversity
About 80% of the kids I work with are African American, but a good number are White or Latino. Many of the woman I work with came from situations where there was a good deal of prejudice. In prison, many separated themselves into Black, White and Latino "cliques." Some have told their kids not to trust Black/White/Latino people. My colleagues and I have made it one of our goals to allow our children to celebrate cultural diversity, rather than learn their parents’ prejudices. With this in mind, I expose my kids to music of all cultures, including blues, folk, classical, jazz, and Irish music. I don’t do rap because of the foul language.
When I play my guitar, I emphasize what I know, and ask the kids to “name that tune” (I’ll play Barney or the ABC song), and also to name “what kind of music” this is. All (down to three years of age) can correctly identify the blues, Irish music, and “sleepy time music” (my "kid name" for “new age” guitar music, which I enjoy playing). Young kids are naturally color blind, and I love it when one of my White kids asks for the blues, or one of my Black kids says, “No, no, I want to hear Irish music.” If they develop an appreciation for all cultures early, they will be inoculated against societal pressure to become prejudiced later in life. Music allows this to happen at a visceral level.
Sometimes the children wind up teaching their parents valuable lessons about cultural diversity as well. In one instance, a Black girl of 6 and a white girl of 5 became best friends, spending much of their free time rehearsing Spice Girls songs, complete with choreography. This young friendship forced their moms to acknowledge each other, and the MOMS wound up being close friends, and eventually suite-mates, in spite of the ambivalence of some of the other adult clients.
The Seed Dance
My kids and I invented this one, and I have no idea how it started. I think it may have been a bunch of tired kids lying on the carpet one evening when I took out my guitar, but this is how it ended up: I take out my guitar and play a “spacy” melody with which the kids are all familiar. “The seed dance!” they all exclaim and curl up into little balls. This is what I say: “Once upon a time, there were a bunch of seeds in the ground. It was winter, and it was very cold. If fact, there was even snow blowing across the frozen prairie. And the seeds were too cold to grow. But then one day in March, there was a warm day, and the seeds developed little sprouts, like little fingers, just barely poking up to the sky.” (Can you visualize what the kids are doing?) “They got water and food from the ground, and the sun nourished them too, and their little sprouts got longer, like little arms, and they rose from the ground slowly, so slowly, the people couldn’t even see! And then it was April, and May, and they got taller, and taller…and then one day in June, it was...SUMMER!!!”
Of course, as soon as I say “SUMMER,” the music opens up into a rowdy melody, and the kids launch into an equally rowdy dance. I have to make sure that the younger ones don’t get knocked over. We then move toward the Fall, with the weather getting cooler. I slow down the music, the plants ultimately giving off seeds, “like the ones in your oranges,” and those seeds gradually find their way back on the ground, as the song, and the evening ends.
With this simple exercise (which just “happened”—I hadn’t planned it) the younger kids learn about the seasons, they learn about the relationship between music and the story being told, they learn about movement as an expression of a story, and they have a heck of a good time.
"Can I play your witar?"
Not all kids can pronounce "guitar," but all want to play it. I have a "fancy guitar" (my Martin) and my "kid guitar," an old Washburn that I bought for about $250. This is the one I bring to work. It doesn't matter that most of the kids I work with are too young to fret properly. They ALL get a chance to put it in their lap, strum the strings, and enjoy the music that THEY make. Of course, I see everything as an "educational opportunity." All of my kids know where a guitar's body, sound hole, neck, head, and tuning pegs ("Don't touch those please!") are, and they know that bigger strings make deeper notes, while littler strings make higher notes. I was actually able to show one of my older boys a few chords, but of course I don't have time for individualized lessons there. It's my hope that the kids will seek out lessons when they leave the program.
Summary
Music is an invaluable tool for working with children. Singing songs is fun, but it’s just the beginning. Music, and dance, provide great opportunities for children to express their emotions, to learn about and express stories, to learn rules, and to learn and honor boundaries. What amazes me is that, with the exception of good old songs, all of the “therapies” discussed here just sort of occurred--they didn’t emerge from some specific plan I had going in.
If you have an opportunity to integrate music into your curriculum, or into your play with your own kids, please do so! You will give your kids a wonderful opportunity to express themselves, and also have one heck of a good time in the process.
I hope I was able to convey some of the joy that comes from helping kids express themselves, and from helping them see that they have the RIGHT to express themselves. Being HEARD, I believe, is the most important building block for self-esteem.
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