I'm No Failure
Jun 12 '00
Maybe it's a good thing I didn't spend much time looking at the section in my childbirth books on Cesarean Sections--I would have seen that many mothers consider themselves failures if they don't give birth "normally". I certainly had no intention of having a C-Section with my daughter--after all, my petite size-4 best friend managed to have her baby with no problem, and I wore an ample size 10. Wouldn't that give me plenty of room??
It was with surprise that, two days after my due date, my water broke--with no contractions preceding this event. Hmm. What to do now? My doctor told me to wait at home for something to start happening. If nothing happened, he said, come into the hospital around 6pm (8 hours later) and we'd assess the situation.
It was rather odd--I took a walk, straightened up the house, and then started playing a board game with my husband and mom, who had naturally dropped everything and rushed over to "help". We were all perfectly calm, waiting--all except my father, who spend most of the afternoon pacing and wondering why nobody else was worried. But by 6pm, with still nothing happening, off to the hospital we went.
I was given the option of having labor induced that evening, or waiting to see if anything would happen naturally over night--and of course, potentially getting a bit of rest. I opted for the latter, although I didn't get much sleep waiting for the big event. By 5:30 am I was up, pacing the halls, trying to start labor that way. At 8am, they started the pitocin, to induce labor; contractions started right away, but it took about two hours for them to reach full intensity of coming every two minutes, lasting about 1 minute. They had my full attention, and although they hurt, I didn't feel it was anything I couldn't handle.
The problem was, by 4pm, despite all that effort, I hadn't progressed past 1cm (you must get to 10cm to push). When my doctor told me he recommended a C-Section, I burst into tears. True, that wasn't what I had planned, but mostly the idea of being cut open terrified me. But that appeared my only viable option, so I agreed.
My daughter was born with me being alert and awake, with my husband beside me. Yes, the incision site was painful for a while, and getting up the first time was torture (you want me to walk ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE ROOM?), but it was love at first sight with my daughter. I never felt that I was a failure because I gave it my best shot, and however I got her, it was worth it. The important thing really was (like the old cliche goes) that she was healthy, and so was I.
Do I feel like I missed out on something? Yes, at times. But I have no regrets about the way things went the first time. I am currently expecting my second child, who is due a week from today. I'm hoping to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-Section) this time for a couple of reasons: the recovery time should be less(and with a three year old, I want to be up and about as quickly as possible), and I want the experience of having a baby the "normal" way. I am prepared, though, for the very real possibility of another C-Section. I truly believe that however a baby is born, the important thing is the bond you share--and however he or she arrives, it is a real miracle.
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
sgian
|
|
Member: Suzanne
Location: Maine
Reviews written: 60
Trusted by: 58 members
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.