U.S.A over 50% Divorce Rate
Dec 28 '00
There is something seriously wrong here. In the U.S., the divorce rate is higher than 50%. This is unacceptable. Look at a country like India, where marriages are put together by the parents for the most part. Their divorce rate is less than 1%. Doesn't this clue you in to the fact that something is seriously wrong? Something is purposely trying to destroy the institution of marriage. What happens when families fall apart? If you take a good look into the future of it all, the break down of the family begins with the break down of the family values (and personal integrity) and eventually can lead to the breakdown of the country. Our power is in our people. A crazy people will not be able to create a sane government. Just like a crazy government will not be able to create a sane people. Look at these countries that still have religious wars. Now look deeper at their governments. The breakdown of values and personal integrity plays a huge role in the insanity. If the world was in communication with itself and understood each other fully, there would be no wars. But, instead we have secrets and they have secrets and no one knows what one is up to and thus we can not be in understanding with them.
Now this leads to the point of marriage and divorce. If you are about to divorce, what secret do you have? Have you been cheating on your spouse? Let me paint a picture for you. You decide to have an affair with your neighbor. Your neighbor is your spouse's good friend. Once this begins, you will begin to feel you need to justify the affair. So, you begin to belittle your spouse (to yourself or others)..."God, look at the way he eats! He's such a pig." Or "She is getting so fat. She doesn't take good care of me..." These statements or statements like these may indicate that actually YOU have DONE something AGAINST your spouse. So, then what happens is, that you begin to justify this bad act. Then you may feel a need to leave (maybe because you are partially sorry for what you have done and you don't want to subject them to it anymore and maybe partially due to your belief in your own made-up justifications of why they are bad...When really YOU are the one who is responsible.) This will also lead to the destruction of the friendship of the spouse and the neighbor because of guilt and also the same justification process.
Communication is the key here. If you have done something wrong. You need to get it off your chest. I understand this is hard. But, it is completely unfair to leave your spouse in the dark. You really need to confront it and let them know about it. Imagine your spouse decides to leave you and you thought things were great between you both. Wouldn't you be in mystery as to why this happened? It would be unfair. Well, what if your spouse said, "Stay calm...I need to tell you something...I have been cheating on you." Would you think that after that they would do it again? No! They are trying to come clean. In fact, if you can help them to become a better person and help them begin to be included and put them back in the relationship as a responsible party, you may actually save your marriage.
Always communicate. I know it sounds insane sometimes. Because what hurt could you cause when you say what things you have done! But, what else could you do. It would hurt far more if you left.
A divorce is breaking up the home. If you have no kids together, it may be easier. Fine. However, if one or both of you has that feeling, "I have to leave", take a look at what you may have DONE to each other before you leave. Then confront and handle that. If all communication is open and free and you still don't want to be married, fine. But, open the communication and help it lead to a handling.
Divorcing your spouse, to kids, is like divorcing your kids. They feel the pain. They know the home is broken and they don't know why. Ever wonder why your kids do strange things? Has your child ever been sick and uneasy when you and your spouse have been uneasy? This is your child reminding you of your responsibilities to him or her AND to each other. And yes, you do have responsibilities. Marriage won't work unless you do.
Divorce effects everyone. You are not the only one who feels pain. So, the best advice for handling a divorce that I can give is, try not to have one. The only ways I know of keeping a family together are: honesty and integrity, faithfulness, dreams and goals, communication, support, respect, love-making, understanding, help, create-create-create (this means that a marriage is NOT self-perpetuating, one needs to constantly make it work, make it grow, nurture it).
I hope this helps you to save your marriage. If it does not save it, I hope it helps you in your future marriage and also helps you and your ex-spouse to be in better communication with each other and have bigger confront of life's challenges. Please always be faithful. It is NOT fashionable to cheat on one's spouse. It should not be looked on as "socially acceptable". A marriage is a bond. It is an agreement. Its moral codes should not be broken.
I love you all! Be the best husbands and wives you can be! Bring home some roses tonight or go for a walk on the beach. Give your wife a massage. Give your husband a massage. Create it! AND COMMUNICATE! Communication is the key. Please don't hide anything even if it hurts. It will hurt far more if your spouse discovers the truth for themselves.
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aleisha
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Location: San Diego, CA
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