All the Decent “Nacho”-Based Titles were Taken a Year Ago.
Mar 15 '07
The Bottom Line Just because I waited an entire year before writing about it doesn't mean that it wasn't awesome.
I would like to take this opportunity to present an abridged timeline of the history of the universe:
13.7 BYA - Big Bang occurs.
4.57 BYA - Earth coalesces into existence in orbit around the Sun.
March 25, 2006 – Second New York City Epinions Meet and Greet is held.
Later - Heat death of the universe occurs.
Laterer - I write this review.
I’ll bet y’all thought that just because I didn’t write a review of this Meet and Greet in the weeks and months following it, I was never going to. But, you see, I always meant to. I just never got around to it. But, tonight, I’m joining Epinionators in Washington, DC, for dinner with the staff, and I just had to write this beforehand, didn’t I? Well, didn’t I? I don’t even have a decent excuse as to why I didn’t get this done. I mean, sure, my grandfather died a couple of weeks later (because Epinions Meet and Greets have a nasty habit of killing my grandparents), and I spent a weekend in Rehoboth Beach, DE (two, actually, except the second one was just last weekend so I can’t really count it), but none of that accounts for this egregious lapse. I hope I can make up for it with truly glittering prose.
Now, when a person experiences something but then waits almost a year to write about, the details are going to be well nigh nonexistent. Luckily, I have a supply of incriminating photographs to guide me: http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=eiddbkm.5klp72he&x=0&y=-lggwao. Oh, except that the computer (or website) hates me and will not load the damn page. This, I suppose, is what happens when one waits until the last possible minute to do something, and then shelves vital work at the office in favor of a recreational pursuit.
I took the bus up from Baltimore, because Amtrak’s prices have skyrocketed since 2003. And unlike the drama of an extra mile’s walk that accompanied my attendance of that year’s M&G, my arrival at ESPN Zone was efficient and uncomplicated. Hooray for me! One of the first people I saw was, to my surprise, Tyler. We went to college together and were coworkers during that time. I knew he was on Epinions, but I had no idea that he’d be at the M&G; he lives in DC. And even though he lives just 50 miles from me, I hadn’t seen him in months. I gave him a big hug, and we fell to chatting. A little bit later, Brian arrived. I immediately groped his crotch, tenderly and lingeringly; this was before he became father to a software package, which I consider a signifier of maturity that rises above such treatment. In any event, Tyler witnessed my thorough grasping of Brian’s masculinity and was initially shocked, but then he remembered that I’m me and his expression transitioned seamlessly towards blasé.
A variety of other personages were present. These included reliable attendees Mike, Tom, Caroline, and Kristina, as well as remarkably attractive staff members Garrett, Andy, Christal, and Tomiko. In particular, Andy is seriously, wildly hot. I want to do things to him, descriptions of which would exceed good taste and this website’s parameters as a family-friendly internet destination. I also met the new head honcho lady, Lorrie Norrington, whose name suddenly looks funny when I type it, due to the repetition of “orri.” She was neat, very approachable, and clearly on top of the business end of things.
You know, as I’ve been writing this, I keep trying to access my photos so I can remember even one iota of anything that happened that day. I initially accessed the page and got my thumbnails. But when I tried to click on a photo, I got a message that the network timed out. And every time since then that I’ve tried to get a Kodak Gallery page, I get that message. I even rebooted the computer. I think it’s a problem with the website rather than my computer.
There were two major improvements over the previous NYC M&G. Firstly, there was an open bar that included alcohol; in 2003, only soft drinks were complementary. Secondly, festivities had been planned for afterwards, thanks in part I suppose to the Epinions message boards which had not existed at the time of the original event. Unfortunately, Kristina wasn’t able to join us for anything after the Meet and Greet proper. She had intended to, but we later learned that she had experienced an allergic reaction to some medication, and was out of commission. And, of course, we laterer learned that she had been suffering for some time from a truly unpleasant pancreatic condition. But, the show must go on! The aforementioned festivities consisted of a group dinner followed by, what else? Karaoke! But that comes later. First, we walked a relatively short distance to Chevy’s, a chain Mexican restaurant. The place was very packed, and it was hard to get a table. I’m not even sure how we did get one. I think maybe the Epinions staff had one and opened it up to as many of us as would fit? Or we, like, bound and gagged a busboy and one of us put on his uniform and used the perceived position of power to eject patrons from their tables so we could claim them? It was a long time ago, and I’m unclear on the particulars. The main thing is as follows: Garret has nephews who use the word “nachos” when they mean “balls,” as in testicles. And in that moment, everyone at the table had the same thought: “I need to use the word ‘nachos’ in my review title.” Also, Lorrie Norrington (I should just call her “Orriorri.”) picked up the dinner tab for everyone, because she’s a class act.
Becky had assisted Mike in the selection of a venue, which proved to be a Korean-style establishment where a group like ours rents an entire room for our exclusive usage. We bring our own food and booze, and a comfy, private space is all ours. Thus, we needed to stop off at a liquor store. Everyone looked at me askance when I bought a box of Franzia, but I still maintain (three years out of college at the time, now four, because, to reiterate, it took me a year to sit down and just write this review, already!) that there is no better investment than twelve bucks for five liters of wine.
Okay, the main Kodak Gallery page came up. Now I’m trying to get to my albums. It’s taking, like, five minutes to load each page, and it takes a dozen reloads to even get it to start loading instead of timing out.
And then the karaokeing commenced. I have tons of pictures of this to remind me what-all happened, except that I cannot view them right now. Friggle. What I do remember is that Becky invited along a few friends of hers who attended Wesleyan with her and now live in the greater New York area, and they were all cool folks. There were, I think, two couples, as well as a single guy. When I mentioned to this guy, Bayard, that I had gone to Carnegie Mellon University, it turned out that he had gone to high school with my friend Deniz, to which I said, “Deniz! I know her! She dressed me up as a woman!” He responded, “Yeah, that sounds about right.” (I...it’s complicated, but involves Moulin Rouge.) Bayard is cute, sweet, and intelligent, but also maddeningly straight despite singing a mean show tune. Many songs were sung, and I describe these at moderate length in the captions of the photos that you will quite possibly be able to see, despite my current inability. The main other thing that happened is that Nancy table-danced, and it was hawt. Speaking of hawt, I believe that at one point during the evening, I told Garrett and Tomiko that they would make a really attractive couple together. I mean, so what if they’re first cousins, right?
And then, like magic, at 3:53 pm EDT, the Kodak Gallery website sprang to life! Omigosh, I forgot about marytara and her beautiful baby, Isabelle
After the clock had run down on our musical stylings, we adjourned to an Irish pub down the street. I was tired, and thus have only vague recollections of any events that transpired there. I think I half-slept in a chair, and later I peed. In the bathroom, people, not the chair!
From there it was time to leave the Big Apple. Mike had graciously opened his doors to Tom and myself, so we took...I want to say the PATH train to his place in...possibly Hoboken? In tow were the four unimbibed liters of Franzia. There’s no accounting for taste. The next morning consisted of a joint excursion to Dunkin’ Donuts (Where, for the record, they serve doughnuts. I just thought you should know, because fewer and fewer people seem to.) Then my father picked me up at Mike’s house and took me to New Jersey to visit my grandfather in the hospital. I’m really glad I insisted on the trip, because he passed away about two weeks later, as I mentioned. And it all happened because I attended the Meet and Greet; his wife had succumbed to the same fate in 2003. After all, there’s no proof more concrete than post hoc ergo propter hoc, is there?
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Epinions.com ID:
DavidK93
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 - Top 1000 |
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Member: David Kaplan
Location: Baltimore, MD
Reviews written: 119
Trusted by: 179 members
About Me:
Passions has been canceled, again. But I think I'll get over it; I've gained perspective.
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