My Thoughts On Child Killing (The Abortive Abortion W/O)
Apr 07 '05 (Updated May 03 '06)
The Bottom Line I don't have any kids of my own.
Every man and his dog knows that I’m a man of morals. I live and die by my word, and would rather have my face chewed off by a pack of AIDS-ridden wildebeest than compromise my beliefs. These same people also know that, by reputation, I also detest mundane Epinion write-offs with a passion.
Despite hosting a fair number of them, I couldn’t think of anything more pointless on this planet than participating in a W/O that entails me answering a series of arbitrary questions in the mistaken belief that people wouldn’t struggle to give less of a shit over my thoughts about ‘hot button’ issues. Does anyone care that I don’t like Avril Lavigne? Is the world really incomplete until it is told (for the fiftieth time) about the occasion I managed to crap my pants while playing for my University soccer team? And what kind of person actually pays attention when I tell them that the celebrity I most resemble is a certain brother of River Phoenix?
It is my belief that people who invent these write-offs, and the people who participate in them, deserve to be throttled like like the dogs they are, dragged into the street, strung up from a lamppost, and vigorously beaten with a plethora of blunt objects.
So what am I doing, then, taking part in one of these write-offs? Surely by doing so, I’m not exactly sticking to my guns and going back on my beliefs. Well, the answer is simple… I’d much rather do this, and face being beaten around the face and body, than even think about writing the never-awaited second chapter of The Crispy’s. It’s the lesser of two evils, and if compromise is what I must do by means of a delaying tactic, then so be it.
But enough about me. This is all about pranapana and his/her (I’m guessing the latter, but who knows these days?) “Abortive Abortion Write-off”. For reasons best known to him/herself, he/she has decided to do a piece all about the much discussed issue of abortion. Buggered if I know why, but it may or may not have something to do with the recent death of John Paul II, whose staunch opposition of abortions was of well-documented as those fancy hats of his. Though I somehow doubt it. The choice of product reviews was offered, and duly ignored, so instead here’s a bunch of preordained questions that he/she requested our musings on, which I have granted at least 15 seconds thought. Which means that if anyone doesn’t want to know my uncensored opinions on the issue, don’t bother reading on.
1.Would you ever have an abortion
Now, normally, someone of my calibre (i.e. male) would give the obvious answer that no, I would never have an abortion. However, it’s not such a stupid question when you think about it. Here in the UK, certain bookmakers have set the odds of a man getting pregnant at 13,000,000 to 1. The odds of winning the Lottery are 14,000,000 to 1. Now given that a large number of people have lucked out and taken the Lottery jackpot (the stats show that there is one winner every 1.37 weeks, I believe), it stands to reason that the law of averages dictates that eventually a man will get pregnant.
And if this did happen, then you can bet your sweet l’il ass that the first guy to do so will become a fricking millionaire in less time than it takes to fill out a Lottery ticket.
So would I have an abortion? No, but only on the condition that, for obvious reasons, I could have a caesarean when the little bastard was due.
2. If you have had one, do you regret it? Has it had any impact on your life? If you’d considered it, has not having one had any impact on your life (haha, obviously it would have)
I do know that my mum aborted a pregnancy only 10 months before I was conceived. I could be one of those people who spends a lot of their spare time wondering why she terminated that particular baby, but decided to keep me, and how I should be grateful for the gift of life that I could so easily have been denied, but for the Grace of God, and all that horseshit, but the real truth is that I really couldn’t care less. Sometimes the timings not right for these things, other times it is. I'll get over it.
On the flipside, for the sake of fairness, consider this: I know a girl who had a one-night stand a few years back. First one she ever had. She was on the Pill, he was wearing a condom. She still managed to get pregnant with twins. Two ways of looking at it: she was either extremely bloody unlucky OR it was fate that she was to have those kids and nothing she could have done would have prevented her from getting up the stick.
3. Have you ever protested for or against abortion and what were your feelings on the experience?
No, because it’s every persons right to decide whether or not they have a child, and anyone who participates in these Pro-Life protests, and 'journalists' like Bill O'Reilly, needs to go and fuck themselves and learn to keep their inbred faces out of other people’s business. I don’t like Star Wars and I can’t understand how anyone on this planet could think otherwise, but I don’t picket cinema’s that show the frigging film, do I? To me, it’s exactly the same thing. If someone wants an abortion, then fine, whatever. Knock yourself out. Couldn’t care less.
4. If you answered "no" to 1 to 3, do you actually have any feelings towards or thoughts on the issue of abortion?
The only way to answer this question is to stand aside and let the legendary Bill Hicks take the floor:
“I'm not a girl, I'm a guy you know? But at the same time, I tell ya how you can solve this abortion issue right now. Ready? Those unwanted babies that single moms leave in alleys and in dumpsters? Leave about 12 of those on the steps of The Supreme Court. This is over. Like that. You guys said we had to have them? Then you guys fucking raise ‘em. You said I had to have it? Then it's yours. Take it”
5. If your underage child were to get pregnant (or your child’s girlfriend), what would you do?
One presumes that this is excluding going absolutely postal on their asses, not only for having underage sex (mark my words, if I have to beat it into my kids that they’ve gotta wait until the age of consent before they even consider popping their cherry, then so be it) but also for not using any protection.
After I’d calmed down – a month should do the trick – then I’d sit them down and tell them exactly what they were up against. None of this “It’ll be tough, but you’ll love that kid with your heart and soul” crap. I’ll hammer home the responsibilities they’d face, the sleepless nights, the lack of socialising , the expenses of raising a child, the fact that from that moment on they’ll be responsible for everything and anything that child will ever do in its life… If they were willing to go through with it, they’d have my unconditional support. Same goes for if they decided not to.
6. Have your views on abortion ever changed? What caused them to change?
Being from a strict Catholic background, it’s safe to say that I had it drilled into me from an early age that abortions were evil and anyone who had one was destined to forever burn in the fires of Hell. Such a broadminded religion, Catholicism. Anyway, when I was 13 I woke up and realised that none of it was relevant to my life in any way, I stopped allowing the religious types to sink their fangs of guilt into me, and began to form my own opinions on life. One of these was realising that perhaps condemning someone to Hades, merely for aborting an unborn child who they didn’t actually want in the first place, was perhaps a little harsh.
The defining moment was when I read a story about a group of Pro-Life campaigners in America who murdered a doctor working at an abortion clinic. Pro-Life. Murdered. Spot the irony folks. That’s when I realised how fucked up the whole thing was, and did my best to distance myself from the religion entirely.
7. Do you support the death penalty?
Well, I wouldn’t say that I stand by the touchline and wave a banner for the death penalty, but I don’t exactly oppose it either.
8. Are you a vegetarian?
No, and I’m not a non-smoker either. Does that make me a bad person?
9. Do you think questions 7 and 8 are irrelevant to the issue of abortion
I feel like I’m taking an Ethics class. Yeah, they’re relevant. Not sure if you want me to explain why, but I think it’s pretty damn obvious.
10. Under what circumstances, if at all, is abortion "acceptable" to you
If the woman decides she wants to then it’s acceptable. That’s pretty much it for me. There are far too many possibilities that explain why a woman wouldn’t want a child, but none of them matter. If the woman doesn’t want it, then the case is closed. Besides, what kind of life would a child have if its own mother wished it had never been born? You tell me which one's the crueller option.
Also, I expect that a lot of people will reply to this question with ‘A woman should be only allowed to abort if she got pregnant after she was raped’. Believe me, I’ve heard that one from every single member of my own family at one stage in my life. How very noble of them, I say. ‘Allowing’ a woman to terminate a pregnancy, but only because she’s experienced one of the most sickening things imaginable on the planet. How very decent of you to be so upstanding that you’ll cut a woman some slack after she’s been sexually assaulted. Wow, compassion like that is sure to get you into heaven. God bless.
11. Is it your opinion that my soul will burn eternally in hell?
Hope so, then you could save me a seat.
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Epinions.com ID:
Simply_Crispy
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Location: Peterborough, UK
Reviews written: 211
Trusted by: 158 members
About Me:
Aiming for the top 500.
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